…And we’re back, with TNA’s fifth ever show. Guess what? Somewhere between episodes four and five TNA finally started to use their editing software! Or two VCRs stacked on top of each other as it was probably known. As Jeff Jarrett gets a fancy video hyping how he’s been a massive whiny man-brat since week one. He was screwed the first night of TNA (he told the NWA reps that the Gauntlet for the Gold sucked and got placed first in the entry order ultimately losing out to Scott Hall with a Toby Keith suplex for good measure), but he’s damned if he’s going to let it happen again! So we see highlights of his rampage since.
Such as when he hit Scott Hall with the oh so prestigious ‘Congratulations on lasting a week, TNA - Love the NWA’ trophy. (Seriously that is all it was the trophies’ sole reason for existing.
The video mainly highlights how he hit everyone in the world with a chair (lots of unprotected headshots too). I guess Jeff had broken his entire supply of cheap guitars in WCW. He even took out some Tennessee Titan American Footbally men with his dreaded chair shots.
Also he dumped Scott Hall off a stretcher, which I can’t quite get a good screen cap of but I find it hilarious for some reason.
This is followed by an attempted interview with Ken Shamrock by Goldylocks, apparently filmed ‘earlier this week’, outside, in the rain.
Someone left Ken’s cake out in the rain, this makes him so angry he calls Goldy a bitch and talks about how he’s gonna ‘kick the shit’ out of everyone in the whole world! While Goldy’s facial expression never goes beyond giving the impression that Shamrock has bad breath.
Good, if sweary opening, lots of Attitude Era swearing is cool stuff though and their is more to come!
Tenay & Co. inform us that tonight we’re going to see a Ladder Match with a contract (signed by Ken Shamrock, Tenay is quick to add) to determine the new #1 contender to the NWA World Championship and it’s going to be Jeff Jarrett vs. Malice.
HOWEVER! After calling in last week Hall decided to show up this week and he’s brawling with Jeff Jarrett backstage. It turns into a big mess of black shirt security, not great lighting, and Bill Behrens yelling. This somehow leads to Jarrett forfeiting his match tonight because… He’s the heel? Scott Hall jumped him but gets away with out punishment but okay.
But who will challenge Malice!? ‘The Zoot Suit Daddy’ Don West (seriously, Tenay calls him that) must know.
The New Church arrive, Slash has gained an eyepatch.
Pretty sure he didn’t have that last week.
Mitchell cuts a promo about how Malice wants some ‘crimson life essence’ on his hands. Which to me sounds less like blood and more like shampoo, but Mitchell is still the coolest part of The New Church. Basically he issues an open challenge for anyone to come and face Malice in the match since Jarrett’s been forced to forfeit. Doesn’t Mitchell know that that technically means Malice wins the match?
Malice vs. ??? - #1 Contendership Ladder Match
The lights go out! They come back on! The challenge has been answered by:
It’s Sabu. Who apparently had a match later on but is so damn crazy he wants to wrestle Malice right now! If Malice was booked anything like the monster he is made out to be, this would see lot of Sabu getting his ass kicked and bumping like crazy. Instead Malice eats a chair he had tried to attack Sabu with, the other Church members take shots at Sabu and Sabu does Sabu things. Malice actually manages to look somewhat impressive amidst all the dull not very goodness and powerbombs Sabu off the ladder. Then he suplexes him onto it and when he’s trying to climb the ladder winds up getting dropkicked off it. This is one of those kinds of matches where nobody is trying to make it look like winning is important.
Don West says Sabu has the ‘face’ of a guy who might join the New Church. Probably confusing him briefly with Tempest. Malice goes through a table and Sabu wins! Then New Church beat him up and Malice chokeslams him through a table.
It was an okay match. Malice was very plodding and Sabu hit all his stuff.
Backstage, Jeff Jarrett, Bill Behrens and Black Shirt Security have not moved in twenty minutes apparently and continue to argue.
AJ Styles heads out to the ring and we get the first glimpse of why AJ Styles is still not any better off now than he was ten years ago, as he cuts a promo about Jerry Lynn. As is customary West and Tenay chime in every so often to basically say ‘you go girl!’… But wait!
Chad Kroeger is here and he’s pissed off
!Of course not, it’s Jerry Lynn. He calls AJ a piece of shit and say he has a big head, hasn’t paid his dues all that veteran vs. rookie kinda jazz. Lynn demands AJ’s respect but AJ was born and raised in the USA so that means he doesn’t respect guys that look like Canadian rockstars! AJ lays Jerry Lynn out… So, blue chipper face is now a heel? I guess? I don’t know.
But who cares here’s Goldylocks outside the FEMALES dressing room, curtain… And she’s got an interview to conduct… With Jasmine St. Claire… Nothing good can come of this. She wants to talk about last week when she made JB do his best Michelle’s boyfriend Mike impression but no time for that because Francine attacks her and throws Jasmine St. Claire into the shower so we can get to see her nipples! Kind of!
Lets move on… To shots of not quite ready to dance cage dancers, damnit TNA.
K-Krush vs Norman Smiley
Oh TNA, you have redeemed yourself and given me too wonderful men in singles competition. I think this is the genesis of The Truth character as Krush cuts a promo saying he’s not ‘just an angry black man’ but he is The Truth! He also ‘looks’ and ‘smells’ like a star and can’t figure ‘what the punk ass damn’ was up with his WWE release. He claims they were scared he’d be a rash on their ass hollerin’ suffering suckotash.
Not much to talk of in the match, Smiley just plays the roll of angry heel job guy again. After the match K-Krush takes off his belt which makes West fear Krush is going to take off his pants, for some reason. Instead Krush wraps the belt around Smiley’s neck and hangs him off the ropes, which brings Norman Smiley’s wife out from the back to plead for him to be set free.
She lays a hand on Krush, he drops Norman but goes for her!
He only grabs at her and she is quickly released when Black Shirt Security, no doubt fresh from hour two of ‘getting Jeff Jarrett to leave and failing’ rush to her aid! The whole thing actually worked. K-Krush gives of the crazy unhinged vibe that means doing something like this seems natural for him. Whereas a lot of TNA at this point, and now even, seems forced this is came off as natural and really well done. I hope more comes of this. It was a real moment of drama.
And it’s followed up by this. Puppet masturbating in a bin and Stan Dupp complementing Goldylocks vaginal lips. Yeah.
I pay TNA compliments and THIS is how they repay me! NEVER AGAIN!
Daniels and Skipper vs. The Flying Elvises
No Yang again, just Siaki and Estrada - who actually has Elvis hair this week! Siaki spends most of the match going to ringside getting a headset and talking about himself. Lots of Flying Elvises nearly dying from their own stunts and Skipper doing cool things. Also Chris Daniels is there doing the same old stuff. Siaki gets the win!
But the Dupps attack them with bits of wood in revenge for last weeks beating and then dance!
Also incestuous three way snogging but that is cut away from to cage dancer cleavage!
Puppet vs. Meatball
Fat midget with a shopping trolley of food verses midget bin wanker. Can be summed up by this:
Afterwards, TEO or Total E Outstanding, another midget steals a cage dancers top. The little scamp!This gets followed up by a wet as she was twenty minutes ago Jasmine St. Claire, like bullets they are at this point! Why couldn’t she put on a bra? She’ll have someone’s eye out! She calls out Francine and promptly rips her top off while Ferrara and West could very well be joining Puppet in a dustbin after this by the sounds of things. The place erupts when Francine steals Jasmine’s underwear, revealing a thong underneath. Because everyone wears two sets of underwear right?
This causes fansplants to wave money! Classy!
Francine takes off her belt and here comes The Blue Meanie! He can’t stand to see his porn star girlfriend spanked with a belt and runs to her rescue! It gets very ECW as Meanie DDT’s Francine. Tenay & Co are quite appalled but the svelte looking Meanie is quite pleased with himself. Ferrara, continuing his crush on Francine story line or whatever follows her stretcher to the back.This was pretty much the polar opposite of the K-Krush/Smiley bit. It was trashy as hell and I hated it. I hated the announcers for fapping over the cat fight, the money waving plants, and the man-on-woman violence.
Low Ki vs AJ Styles - X Division Championship
It’s the first X Division singles match and it’s two guys I really don’t have much interest in. Lots of stiff kicks, as expected. Ferrara mentions VCRs to remind us that it was 2002 and people still had those! I still do in fact! It doesn’t work though. Low Ki’s coolest kick is the kick AJ off the apron thing he does. AJ misses the Spiral Tap for the first time, but they’re clearly trying to de-emphasise that move as AJ uses the Styles Clash for the win. Afterward Jerry Lynn beats AJ up and it goes on for far to long. This has really been a night of people running in and beating each other up and it’s kinda lost all meaning. Don West’s cries of ‘Why?! Why?!” as Lynn throws AJ into a ladder was funny though.
After this we find out AJ and Lynn must defend their tag titles next week! Egads! But how will they co-exist!?
Also, Ken Shamrock vs. Sabu next week is a Ladder OR Submission match. Gimmicks on Gimmicks on Gimmicks!
Brian Lawler vs. Scott Hall
This is our MAIN EVENT! Brian Christopher who wants to be called Brian Lawler so he can get out from under his dad’s shadow after thirty years cuts a promo about he has secrets about Jerry Lawler. One of them is how Lawler hangs around outside high school looking to pick up underage girls. Scott Hall, enraged that Brian is telling tales about his best friend, that guy he worked with once, eh, Scott Hall just is angry still because Brian turned on him. Not relevant at all is the Jerry Lawler slandering, Hall doesn’t even acknowledge it. He just beats up Brain Lawler. K-Krush comes in to fulfill the prophecy that Hall would also beat him up! There was even MORE belt attacking here as Kwik did the same thing he did earlier to Smiley to Hall, Bob Armstrong comes out for the save… I guess that makes Bob Armstrong Scott Hall’s wife now?
The EMTs arrive to take Hall away, and then cool as you like, Jeff Jarret saunters up with a chair in hand dressed as an EMT and nails Hall with a chair.
He is clearly a man with a chair, which is not normal paramedic equipment, as far as I am aware. He’s the guy who is all over the show and just because he’s dressed differently apparently nobody recognizes him! It’s hilarious! The way they portray Jarrett in these shows is just so fantastically silly.
Thoughts Way too much belt whipping. Too much Francine and Jasmine St Claire. Not enough K-Krush.
They really over do it with the beatings and run ins on this show. It just becomes a mess of brawls and belts and chairs and boards. You stop caring when the women get at it. The midget match was so, so, so boring and awful. Jeff Jarrett and K-Krush remain highlights and The New Church continue to just exist.
Next time, Sabu faces Ken Shamrock and will AJ and Lynn CO EXIST!? WHO KNOWS!?
Once again, it is time for the only regular thing I do on this blog at the moment - watch old NWA:TNA shows from ten years ago!
This week it is episode four, and Ken Shamrock is facing SOME JAPANESE GUY for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. Actually, it’s Takao Omori, but really he might as well be just called ‘some Japanese guy’ because they never bother to give you much info on him bar he beat a guy in seven seconds, I mean they give you a bit of info but Tenay doesn’t really wax lyrical about Omori the way he does for say, Kid Romeo. We also get an NWA World Tag Team match as The New Church of Slash and the debuting Tempest challenge the megapush of AJ Styles and his tag team partner Jerry Lynn. Ron Killings having a surprisingly fun match with a NASCAR man, Norman Smiley vs. Grandmaster Sexay Brian Christopher Lawler and Low Ki, Christopher Daniels, international megastar Kid Romeo and Jerry Lynn main event which makes the Flying Elvises mad!
Also, Jeff Jarret nearly kills a 60 year old man:
This woman doesn’t really like K-Krush:
And Jeremy Borash makes this face:
There are some interesting things developing. K-Krush is awesome, Brian Lawler is alright but his schtick works big for the audience. The New Church continue to be a thing that I want more explanation for! But Jim Mitchell is always really great. Jeff Jarrett is a whiny cowardly heel, which I believe is traditional southern heel booking. He’s okay. Hermie Sadler vs Krush was my match of the night, because I didn’t expect it to be so good. The NWA World Championship match just didn’t do anything for me. They didn’t really bother making a big deal out of it and two weeks in a row the World Champion is below the X Division on the card. Which I guess is signifying that the X Division is what TNA is about but it just feels wrong. Also I don’t care for high flier multimans and we have not had a single one-on-one X match yet. The worst part of this show was seeing Harley Race take a chair shot to the head. That wasn’t needed. Sure, Ol’Harley is tough as nails but it was still stupid.
Noted Wrestling Penis Men - The Johnsons were apparently SERIOUS BIZNESS in early TNA. They got to wrestle not quite yet America’s Most Wanted back when James Storm was still shooting cap guns not drinking beers. He has wrestled them twice during my watching. So I guess this was his first feud in TNA?
Monty Brown had Abyss’ music but with lyrics! And he was terrible, he didn’t P-P-POUNCE or nothin’.
The great news: Tag Team Championship tournaments don’t matter! You can still win them even without competing in the first round, if you ask nicely.
The bad news: The trophy got broken.
The worst news: No Cheex on week three! maybe on week four?
I wasn’t sure what just what to expect going into last nights Pay-Per-View. I wanted to see Lensar/Cena that was pretty much all I could have told you twenty four hours ago. I didn’t really know or expect much from the undercard. I was very pleasantly surprised. I haven’t enjoyed a Pay-Per-View that much in… I really don’t know how long, honestly. Maybe WrestleMania 24? It was a great example of how great wrestling can be when all the factors come together. When there is a main event people are interested or at least intrigued by, a crowd that is into it and an undercard that actually delivers solid entertainment for two hours. I never planned to do recaps of shows on The Jive Soul Blog but I feel like I have to. I want to take some time to gush over aspects of the show I loved.
I’m going to skip the Santino/Miz pre-show match because I didn’t really watch it. I came into it a bit late on and didn’t see the whole thing. But of the pre-show I saw (which wasn’t much of anything to be honest, just video packages, a match and the set up for Show/Rhodes). I loved Teddy Long’s big name tag. That whole humiliation of Teddy Long deal has been wonderful fun and I hope he eventually does snap, recruits someone to manage and we get some kind of return match from WrestleMania. Also theExtreme Wheel was a silly name for the wheel, but in a good way.
Kane vs. Randy Orton: I was not holding out much hope that this not very interesting storyline, that resulted in a forgettable match at WrestleMania, but this not only set the tone for the show (as a good opener should) but it really went beyond my expectations. It had a very Attitude Era feel with the lingering smoke from the Kane pyro, the brawling in the crowd, the use of the announce table. It had everything a fun late-90s brawl would have had, it was over done back then but in 2012 it’s a rare thing and it made the match stand out. It helped that the crowd just got really into it toward the end, it was nice that Ryder got a cameo attack on Kane and it was also good that Orton won, because I kind of hope that that match book ends this feud. It was more than worthy of doing so.
Brodus Clay (with his entourage) vs. Dolph Ziggler (with his):I got to give it to The Funkasaurus. I was ready to get sick of him when it seemed like he wasn’t actually going to be doing anything, but this is kind of a storyline for him isn’t it? Or did I make up that he has previous with Vickie and her boys? I’m a sucker for Hornswaggle and adding as much stuff to Brodus to hide his lack of dancing talent (I can say as someone who isn’t a very comfortable dancer, yet has previous dancing in front of people in chorus lines that as long as Brodus can do the simple things with a smile on his face then he’ll do fine at that). Ziggler took the fall after a killer headbutt from Clay, Dolph is really great at making people’s big moves look like death. It might be stopping him from doing anything but being a high profile job-guy but if he is ever to get his day, nobody is going to care that he lost matches like this.
Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes: The best thing about this match was Show’s face when he realized that he’d broken the table in the most unexpected of ways (the camera did catch referees setting up a table right next to the apron in nice foreshadowing). I wasn’t so much a fan of angry Show kills Cody, but man, that Military Press was just, I’m glad Cody walked out of it. I’d rather have seen sad puppy Big Show having his championship taken away through something as simple as getting kicked, and stumbling back through a table. I’m not sure if we got a double turn or if it was just the crowd (as good as they were they were prone to smarky chanting like cheering Ziggler and later booing Sheamus but more on that one).
Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan:Two out of three falls doesn’t sound very “Extreme” when I think about it, it’s rather orthodox. But this match was amazing. I was slightly bored or just tired because it was after 2am until I realized just what the whole first fall was about. It was Bryan kicking the hell out of Sheamus’ arm just to get him in the LeBell Lock/Yes Lock (LeBell lock is a cooler name though, sorry!). The conceding of a fall just to hurt the other guy and then getting him to submit was neat (and nice foreshadowing for later with the medics in the ring). I don’t much love the ‘Yes’ chant like everyone else seems to but the ‘Yes/No’ dueling chant was fun especially when Bryan seemed to be dictating it. Sheamus pulling the win out of the bag was awesome. They had the great match that we were expecting a month ago and then some!
Ryback vs. Math and Mime: The job guy promo schtick is really interesting and these guys who I have dubbed Math and Mime were fun. I didn’t much care for the crowd chanting ‘Goldberg’ at Ryback (he’s not the first hoss to get this kind of build guys! This was a good crowd overall but they had dumb tenancies, not as dumb as King/Cole trying to put over the clearly Pro-Bryan crowd as being anti-Bryan though). When he’d demolished the guys, Ryback chanted ‘Feed me more!’ and I hope they do! I want Ryback facing entire rosters of local talent and winning.
CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho: This had it’s weak points, it dragged in the middle for example. But the actual street clothes for a street fight was a nice touch you don’t see much. They had a good brawl, but something about Punk/Jericho just doesn’t work for me. I feel like it should but it isn’t. Punk winning was nailed on. Had Jericho won the crowd would’ve been gone for the main event.
John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar:Oh my, this did exceed all expectations and anyone who thinks John Cena is just a muscle head with Five Moves of Doom that doesn’t sell is proven wrong by this. Cena wasonhere. He showed just why he is the top guy in the WWE and did it by spending almost the whole match getting the crap kicked out of him by a marauding Brock Lesnar. He bled, got the crap punched out of him, he got hung by his feet, ate steel steps and seemingly nearly got his arm ripped off. He sold Lesnar as a killer, as did the referees and officials who got caught in Lesnar’s way did. The fact Cena came back, managed to lift Lesnar off his feet and actually won was a legitimate shocker. He even managed to win over the Chicago crowd that had been leaning into smarkish territory all night.
This match was helped in a way by the Sheamus/Bryan feud and match. Not only had Sheamus been fined for attacking referees and Brock been given the okay to do so, which showed Lesnar is outside the constraints of normal WWE guys - because he’s Johnny’s boy. But also the medics coming into the ring had been foreshadowed in Sheamus/Bryan and it had been re-enforced there that this was a thing the WWE does.
There has been some ballyhoo about Cena winning and Lesnar losing, but it was the absolute right thing to do. Lesnar was shown to be a monster, he destroyed Cena and it took weapons and Cena digging down deep to get the win. However, in spite of the win Cena has come off worse physically and Lesnar has maybe learned not to be so casual next time. The purpose of the match was character development. There is more to come and I am looking forward to it a hell of a lot more than I was anything involving The Rock from last year.
I was thinking about Sheamus today, well, I have been for the last couple of weeks ever since that WrestleMania match that has really done a hell of a lot for Daniel Bryan. That’s a match that goes to show that you don’t have to win to go over. But the shameful thing (sorry, I couldn’t resist a reference to the best theme in wrestling) that it really didn’t work out for Sheamus in that one, because that was clearly the plan. However the thing about Sheamus is that nothing he is involved in is ever given that much meat. It’s clear the WWE is behind him and want to make a big deal out of him but I can’t for the life of me think of a time when Sheamus has really had something that made a huge deal out of him.
If you look at his recent storyline from Mania until now, he won against Daniel Bryan in 18 seconds. That was supposed to make Sheamus look like badass or something. But in reality it has done far more to make Daniel Bryan and his ‘Yes’ thing than it has Sheamus. Since that night Sheamus has destroyed Chad Patton and been fined a crazy amount of money ($500,000 meaning Sheamus must be a millionaire). None of this really goes to make Sheamus look like a face here. I think he is supposed to be, isn’t he? Really he just is a millionaire who beat another guy who was distracted by a lady and then beat up an official. I don’t know if that makes him sympathetic or not.
I just don’t know, I think that the WWE obviously wants to make him a big deal. He had an unbeaten streak when he debuted. He won Jessie Ventura’s battle royal for guys who haven’t had a title shot before plus Randy Orton and went on to beat Cena at TLC all within his first few months on TV. He had a match at WrestleMania against HHH and lost, he won the King of the Ring and got lost in the wilderness for a while, moved to Smackdown and won the Royal Rumble. So they’ve clearly been gunning for the guy - he’s been given everything but it hasn’t really been anything memorable (the King of the Ring win especially wasn’t great for him).
Sheamus has given a lot of stuff to work with, aside from a few little things, he’s not gotten stuck with a horribly gimmick schtick about being from Ireland like Finlay did (except for when he was Chief Sheamus, King of the Ring). He has been treated pretty seriously, catapulted into stardom but never really made to look like anything but just another guy. Maybe it’s just a case of he’s not had the ‘Yes’. ‘Pipebomb’ or ‘Hall of Pain’ moment or maybe it is because most of his feuds have been short and not really all that memorable. But they’re trying to make him a thing and y’know, he gets press over here in his native land. Last week I saw him inThe Irish Independent.
If it isn’t clear, I like Sheamus and I’m gunning for him to take off and do some awesome things like Mark Henry, Punk and Daniel Bryan have done in the last year. But while a lot of what has caught on with those guys is down to good timing and the right thing at the right time - Sheamus has had all the right things given to him, but never at the right time or in the right way. He probably could get to that level, he has all the skills, but it just hasn’t happened yet and right now he’s not really getting anything right now that is going to help him.
While I don’t intend to write recaps, I just want to write about things that peak my interest. I also haven’t been able to write anything here in a week. I made it through to Angle and Hardy… Then I went to sleep, but I did check the other results this morning. My bare bones thoughts of Impact and really TNA in general are:
Seeing Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair makes me feel sad. Even though Flair was the best thing about the parts of the show I watched.
Garret Bischoff is probably a future TNA World Heavyweight Champion owing to having his dad’s name (literally now it seems… Since apparently Eric has lost the rights to use his own name now… somehow?).
'The Undefeated' is not a nickname, Crimson, but when your name is Crimson your starting from a bad place anyway.
Jeff Hardy looked like a cast member from Cats in that video package from last night.
Not-Zack Ryder isn’t very good.
The ending of the PPV, although I have not actually seen it as it played out, certainly read like a silly midcard heel gets embarrassed finish. There is something to be said about doing the predictable finish sometimes…
In the end, TNA, you certainly are a thing. You do exist. But, man, is it ever hard to care about you.
“There are people who think that wrestling is an ignoble sport. Wrestling is not a sport, it is a spectacle, and it is no more ignoble to attend a wrestled performance of Suffering than a performance of the sorrows of Arnolphe or Andromaque”—Roland Barthes, The World of Wrestling
Last night Brock Lesnar cut a short promo about how he was a former UFC champion and John Cena could not hold his jock strap. It was good heel schtick “I am successful outside of wrestling, you number one star of wrestling are not as good as I am!”. However, Lesnar is nota good promo guy. He never has been either.
Lesnar looks awesome, imposing, dangerous, like he could kill you with one hand or less. Plus, by all accounts he can. He makes more impact by punching, clothes-lining, F-5ing someone or generally being a big violent block of muscle than he does using his words. I’d be happy for him to rarely speak only more than a couple of words and let his actions or at the very most the words of John Laurinatis speak for him (also I’d like to be able to call Laurinatis Johnny Ace because that is FAR easier to spell). It is a sad fact that mute characters are rare in the WWE, even Hornswaggle talks now! It was once common to have non-speaking wrestlers like Kamala, The Shiek, Abdullah the Butcher, The Missing Link and Sabu, of course during those times there were manager to talk for them. But I guess that at one time many years ago it was felt that wrestlers, who can, needed to do all the talking themselves - even if they’re not very good at it. Not only does this remove managers from the picture (although the manager has become replaced by the heel authority figure for the most part) it probably kyboshed a lot of really interesting characters who could probably have gotten by on looks alone.
My favorite examples of this are Abyss and Bobby Lashley. When Abyss was managed by James Mitchell, he never spoke. He might shriek, yell, growl or make any other number of guttural noises but never uttered a word. It was far more intimidating for Abyss to shriek and scream than it ever was for Abyss to talk like everybody else. When you humanize a ‘monster’ character like that by giving him a voice you lose the mystique, you make him less abnormal and a lot of the times reveal that it was a good reason he never spoke in the first place.
Bobby Lashley looked pretty good when he was managed by Donald Trump for the Battle of the Billionaires. Then he lost Donald Trump and had to speak for himself… And Bobby Lashley, bless his cotton socks, does not have a voice to match that massive physique of his. He sounded like Mickey Mouse and it made it hard to take him seriously. If he’d had the voice of Bob Sapp then maybe things would’ve been different.
I’m sure the WWE know Brock’s strengths and weaknesses, they should do, he came out of their system and owing to the fact he’s a returning star with some cross over appeal, they might just handle him with a bit more care than wanting to expose his biggest flaw, from memory he spent his first WWE run on Smackdown, where that flaw could be hidden behind editing rather than on RAW. His stumbling over his words in a backstage interview did not hurt the fact I have enjoyed this Cena/Brock story so far and hope Brock does not get handed a live microphone for too long too often.
I thought I would kick off this new blog venture with a post about the match that made me want to start a bog in the first place. This match, oh boy this match! Last years WrestleMania outing between these two was, divisive if anything. The WWE wanted you to believe it was the best thing in the history of ever, many of the internet wrestling folks they talked of it as either finisher spamming mutual masturbation or thought it was awesome. I though it was awesome, the day after WrestleMania 27 when I watched it, I have not watched it in over a year so I do not know if I would say that now. was I did not care about the month or so of the stare down point fest that was used to build it up, but in the moment of watching the match, I liked it. However, I was not looking forward to the rematch. The main reason was my cynicism when it comes to Triple H.
The thing about Triple H is, I just cannot get into him anymore. When I first jumped back on the wrestling bandwagon in the tail end of the 1990s and he was the WWF Champion, married (only on screen at the time) to Stephanie McMahon and was essentially ‘King of the Douchebag heels’ I liked him, I liked to hate him. I disliked him for the right reasons I guess you could say. I continued to do so right up until The Two Man Power Trip happened and Hunter tore his quad. Then he came back as a face and to be honest, since then I have not really cared for him. I do not know what it is. Then, I guess, you could add the weight of fan perception of the guy as having tainted my view of him since I got into the whole internet wrestling nerd world. Now, he’s a guy at the end of his career who is supposed to be a big deal but I do not buy him as such and he gets out shined by Kevin Nash in ladder matches. I cannot take HHH as seriously as the WWE and I assume HHH himself wants me to, and I really only wanted to see the WrestleMania 28 match between he and The Undertaker because I enjoy the streak matches and wanted to see The Undertaker’s brand new hair do.
And I, like pretty much everyone it seems loved it. To me, that match is all the schtick, silliness, over the top nonsense that makes for great professional wrestling. You had Mirror Universe JR on commentary, Triple H entering the arena through Castle Grayskull, The Shreddertaker effect when Taker revealed that he now ha a mowhawk, the fact that the Hell in A Cell had it’s own theme song. On top of that you had Shawn Michaels over acting the hell out of everything, cowering in the corner and wimpering over the moral choices he had to make. Everything about it was beautiful, it was more of a spectacle than Rock and Cena could ever have been.
It quite frankly stole the show and while that may mostly be down to Shawn Michaels’ overblown shenanigans, the fact it was The Streak on the line and less to do with anything Triple H really did, I have to hope that he’s happy enough to leave well enough alone and not be as prominent as he was in 2012, because I would be happy for him to go off into the good night after that match.